How To Live A Cinematic Life

I’ve decided to live a more cinematic life. I think I’d gain a lot more enjoyment out of every day knowing my life could be filmed any moment and make a good movie. So now I’ve embraced a few new things in my life and flagged situations with great cinematic potential. It is my pleasure to share with you... how to live a cinematic life.

1.   Kiss your overhead ceiling lights goodbye. 
Lamps look much better in the rooms of your house, obscuring dirt and mess in addition to hiding blemishes and age lines. I recommend lamps to those living alone, coming-of-age or investigating unsolved mysteries. Cinematic brownie points if you use the lamp to club Benicio del Toro 21 Grams-style*.

2.   Wear sunglasses any time you are outside during the day. 
You will see the world in deliciously enhanced colour and be able to do this should you see someone or -thing not as cool as you.  Cinematic brownie points if your sunglasses will self-destruct in 5 seconds.

3.   Outfit your keyring with as many non-descript keys as possible. 
Hurrying to get inside to use the toilet or watch Masterchef will be just that bit more thrilling. Cinematic brownie points for provoking nearby crack addicts (there are always a few) as you fumble with your keys.

These are just some small ways you can live like me and those revered stars on the silver screen. There are of course further, more extreme situations you can create for yourself. For instance....

4.   Use a lot of hairspray. 
You don’t want damned hair continuity errors plaguing Senor Spielbergo in the cutting room. You will also find the people around you will be less distracted by your wayward locks and more engrossed in your coffee order. Cinematic brownie points if you use hairspray to mask pesky reflections off windows and television screens.

5.    Use riddles and ciphers.
Has someone confided in you recently? Ever been trusted with your workplace’s safe combination or grandparents’ security alarm code? Be sure to send any confidential information you have as a cipher to a children’s puzzle magazine. Cinematic brownie points if decryption of the code threatens national security.

6.   Write a new shopping list.
Do you enjoy watery vegetables on hard, crusty bread? Perfect. Because you can never have too many baguettes or too much celery. They look great popping out of shopping bags on your kitchen table or benchtop. How fancy and envied you will be eating your celery baguette in the break room every day. Cinematic brownie points for brown paper shopping bags.

7.  Flirt with danger.
See a cop car or bunch of thugs? Stop by them, smile knowingly/insult their mothers, then flee. With any luck they’ll make chase. Go via Chinatown or some gypsy markets and be sure to knock over nearby bins and trolleys to lie as obstacles in their path. Cinematic brownie points if the chase makes it to the roof tops.

8.   Become a road obstruction.
Is that friend of yours still hounding you to help him transport that large pane of glass downtown, to that street location rife with fire hydrants and prams full of cans? I implore you, deny him no longer. Man that glass pane and heed these words: park opposite the building you’re taking it into; avoid pedestrian crossings and carry it perpendicular to the road with one of you walking backwards. You never know just when a high speed car chase will come swerving down your street. Cinematic brownie points for not breaking the pane of glass / causing the permanent disabling of Jason Statham.

9.   And finally, always be down the hall and to the left of a room of importance. 
That way when people ask for directions, you can reply, “It’s down the hall and to the left”. Cinematic brownie points if ninjas are hiding inside the room.

*Studies show he is more likely to stealthily break into your home if you have Magnum ice cream in your freezer... He can’t keep away.

It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times

I had a great day today. I marked it in my datebook.

All year I’ve pencilled a smiley face on dates I’ve enjoyed a good day or night. Usually, these kiddish evaluations accompany a dinner, picnic, movie or celebration I’d been counting down the days to. Or, it might be attributed to unplanned catharsis, discovery or productivity. Other cases, it’s unaccounted for and your guess is as good as mine.

My great Sunday began at 7.21am (I once read this is the best time to wake up of a morning) with a bright, blue sky and bowl of fruit salad. Leisurely reading, learner driving and sun-safe jogging until a shower before lunch. I was treated to a couple of movies at Brisbane International Film Festival as well as a chai latte, and had happy and unexpected meetings with friends. I spilt peach juice in my bag, waited 40 minutes on printing in Office works and was perturbed by a stabby-safety-pin train traveller. But who can complain when there’s ice cream and Beach House in the world?

 A big part of my day’s fulfilment came from good company. Here’s a little musing on friendship.

Remember there are lots and lots of little things (texts, notes, doodles, chuckles, outings, whispers, hugs, smiling glances and fond thank-yous) that we forget. These little wonders come and go in an instant; they’re archived, recycled and replaced in a blip; soaped and scrubbed clean in the shower; they fall behind furniture and get left on the bus; they’re motions so shameless they allude to trust, so predictable they affirm comfort and sincerity; they’re content silences, half-spoken but well-understood sentences, ironic-turned-instinctive kisses; they’re dunced by grand gestures, less photographed than special occasions, preambles to lifelong personal jokes. Insignificant and everyday things, but they still make up the friendship – signifying, if not rendering them dear, special and life-altering. Although we couldn’t possibly access each one of these minute memories, we carry them with us secretly and subconsciously . Because I’m feeling corny, I offer an analogy: the little things are like the stitch work that turn patches of sharing and fun into blankets of love.

It’s pretty well the time of year to reflect on personal accomplishments and resolutions. My year has been aimless, anguished and mediocre. But those smiley faces are all over my datebook. Some coloured, some with mouths agape, some as neon suns. It’s a simple way to remember there are many happy days and treasured things in my life, even if I can’t remember what they were exactly.

BIFF Films:

Take Shelter (dir Jeff Nichols; starring Michael Shannon, Jessica Chastain, Kathy Baker)

Southern farm family, intriguing dualities, apocalyptic weather and strong performances

RECOMMENDED for those who enjoyed Signs, A Beautiful Mind, Twister???

Rating 7/10

Another Earth (dir. Mike Cahill; starring Brit Marling, William Mapother)

North American winter, guilt and forgiveness, gripping story, great dialogue and flawless ending

RECOMMENDED for those who appreciate 21 Grams, Sliders, Seven Pounds, this gorgeous woman

Rating 8/10